blog has moved permanently to http://www.beyondazure.com/mt/azure please update all links...i will keep this here for future reference...thank you and may love shine upon you...


tired, tired, tired...

ok, so i'm frickin' tired ovah heah...i have 2 readings to do today, and if i get no new orders, i'm takin' a break... i have a new tarot deck on order...hopefully it will arrive tomorrow (today would be better, but i think it will get here tomorrow)... i have things i wanna change on the new blog thingy, and i don't know how to change them...verrrry frustrating... for the helluvit, i downloaded movable type...but their installation instructions are more than a bit intimidating...(reminds me of when i installed ikonboard onto the old site) ...plus the fact that i do not know how to access the shell of my site, making it that much more difficult...i liked my other webhost better...it was easier to work with...this one is for idiots who know nothing of the internet, and it's very frustrating...so, i have to modify stuff through my FTP thingy, and THAT'S annoying...ugh...it's not my day i got 5 books yesterday that i ordered from onespirit.com...i'll try to list them later...i'm too tired... i keep yawning, so that's not good, and my eyes are all watery even though i've been up for over an hour...anyway, i'm gonna email the bastages that run the blog thing and see if i can change stuff...i'll cya when i cya...


movin' on up...

the blog is moving...i have new edition in the works...stay tuned for updates!


if you want to view the work in progress...go to: http://www.beyondazure.com/journal/azure.php not sure if i'm going to move all the other silly shit i have on this blog to that one (i.e., the zonkboard, my blogroll...) i suppose i should move the blogroll, at least...anyway...that's all for now...more updates to come!


well...i don't know what to say...

i'm gonna take down this blog...yeah, i said it...it's gonna be history...i check my stats daily (basically just to see who visits me...i recognize most of my friends' visits this way) and i usually go by "referral url"...i can't take all the google hits for the nasty crap i mentioned in a previous post...so, i'm gonna download my archive and hit "delete" on this edition of my journal...i really don't know if i will make another public blog...i love writing, don't get me wrong...but i think i need to go back to square one and start writing in a "real" journal again...you know...like, on paper? ;) i just don't know what i want to do yet, but rest assured, for those that i visit to read about MY life (not to look for disgusting pics), i will keep you updated on my decision...it makes me so sad now to visit my stats on sitemeter and see all of that garbage...i don't have the heart for it...so, be that as it may, i wish you all the best in the world...i will still be able to be reached by email...bookmark my website, if you are interested in my jewelry or a reading...ok? :) and now, for something more lighthearted...

free readings...yeah, you heard me...free! heh

so, i've been experimenting w/some new tarot spreads recently, and have come across one that i would really like to offer on my website...however, i need more "practice" w/it before i will feel comfortable enough to charge people for it...hehe...so, here's the deal: i think that's it! please email requests to freetarotbyazure@hotmail.com...thanks! and i'll cya when i cya!


i think i am letting myself become too sensitive again...

because things like this really make me sad, sickened, and incredulous... the story is about a vegan couple in NY recently convicted of practically starving their child...malnourishing their baby...the little girl, at 15 months, could not sit up, could not crawl, could not walk...the child had NO TEETH!! i can't even go further b/c it just kills me that people would do this to their child...i understand they have a belief, i understand they were following THEIR choice of being vegans and not consuming animal products...but as humans, do we not breastfeed our babies w/our own milk? what happened to that? what about all the soy formulas out there? if they didn't want something like regular milk...the child was so malnourished she was too weak to even cry...they say the couple could get as much as 25 yrs each...honestly, i can't say i wish it was more...or less...i just feel so much for this little child...what did she do to deserve such a rough start?? *sigh* yeah, colour me sensitive today... cya when i cya...


so, what have i been up to lately?

well, the site is up (you may have noticed it listed under services to your right) and i'm getting orders for tarot readings, so i think that's really cool...even got an order for an aura reading the other day, which is tres faboo...i got the newsletter set up, got the usernames/passwords created (i decided to make it password protected this way access to the discounts and such would only be available to members of the mailing list)...i'll probably set up input for people to choose their own username & password eventually, but for now it will be a shared password...have to make this months page though, so i have something to show for it, eh? ;) anywho, i need to order more materials for the jewelry thing...i think i'm ready to start showing off my work, just have to get enough stuff to make some killer pieces...i even have a request for a piece already (see, jen! you knew that one first!! ;) hehe) so, that is major good news...the girl that requested it is one of my most staunchest supporters...Jen, you rock!!!! :-D she even wrote a killer testimonial for me for the site (have to make that page today...see, more stuff you knew, Jen! heh)...anyway, that's THAT news... in other news, i've been frequenting a forum for people who are interested in/read tarot...it has been amazing so far...so many knowledgeable people on the subject, i've learned alot from them, and hope i've been able to provide good input there as well...i've been debating creating an online course for learning the Tarot...or at least creating a discussion list for those interested in discussing it...not sure which way to go, so we shall see...i don't know how good of a teacher i would be...but it's something i've been guided to look into, so that's what i'm doing... i've been really happy lately ('cept for the funk around my bday) and i'm not questioning it...i'm going w/the flow and i'm hoping the rest of you are enjoying your particular "rides" as well...hopefully gonna make a trip to the coast soon...need it badly...take care everybody...i'll check back in wit'cha later...cya when i cya!


sorry if this is your first visit to my blog...

and you had to read that entry down below...i will make an effort to control my foul language from here on in...hopefully, whatever sick bastards find me now will get the message before they even click the link...i'm hoping... well, it's time for bed...my back is killing me and i'm tired...i made a newsletter thingy for the website...gonna have discounts and good stuff like that...but for some reason, it's not loading even though i've added it...meaning the new stuff isn't loading on the intro page...the other stuff i added is all there...works like a charm too...i feel so professional...hehe... ok...ni'night...cya when i cya!


ok, i'm seriously pissed off now, so be prepared for the rant...

to the sick motherfuckers who keep googling my blog looking for incest pics, you are disgusting, you are foul, you are scum...no, wait...scum is too good for you...you are the putrescent piss on the bottom of scum....you are not human, do you hear me!?!?! you all deserve long painful torturous deaths at the hands of some backwater redneck (picture Deliverance here people) toothless sicko named Bobby Joe...Billy Bob...or whateverthefuck...i hope you all suffer a hideous painful cancer-ridden death...*ptui!*

if you are wondering where this comes from, it is b/c of the rant i did a short while ago wherein i stated (and i *will* quote it b/c then they will find this entry when they google...bastages) that my father fucked me, my mother fucked me, etc....it was "fucked me over" you morons!! i get numerous hits daily for people looking for incest pics...but the worst came today...just a short while ago...some revolting putrid piece of slime did a search for "baby daughter fuck with father"...i have this sonofabitch's IP, and if i were a nicer person i wouldn't fuck w/them...as it is, i will sic hacker friends on his ass...piece of dogshit that they are...this is all...to all sick pedophile incest-loving perverts out there, do not visit my blog...i have your IP addresses and there will be hell to pay...
that is all...end transmission...


this is what happens to naughty visitors...

who don't leave comments...you get bombarded w/silly questionnaires...hahahaha...i'm so evil... questionnaire stolen from Heather
  1. Age: 31 (duh)
  2. Sex: yes, and often
  3. Location: texas...or 4th rim of hell...whichever you prefer to call it
  4. Name: Lilly
  5. Name you wish you had: anything more exotic than this one...my daughter has names i wanted at some point...Jazmine & Anastasia
  6. The last person you slept with: my darlin'
  7. Beer or Liquor: beer is disgusting and i don't drink liquor...last drink i had was a nice Malbec
  8. Children: 2...Ian Zachary (soon to be 3), and Jaz (see above) (soon to be 1!)
  9. If you had one wish what would it be: for Utopia
  10. Tampons or pads: yyyeeeeeeeaaaaah...please, that would gross ME out...
  11. Favorite sex symbol: sex symbol?? haha Sean Connery! (most men these days look like women...blech!)
  12. Biggest Druggie you know: oh i could so get in trouble for saying what i wanna say...heh
  13. A cup or D cup: does anyone really need to know this? it's more than one D and i ain't sayin how many
  14. Cappuccino or Coffee: Espresso...no foam
  15. Sex or Food: Sex...silly question
  16. Does size really matter: only if it hurts...
  17. Shape: Triangle!
  18. Cherries or Strawberries: toughie...strawberries have more fiber (less carbs...) but cherries are soooooo delicious!!
  19. Chocolate or Whip Cream: i'll just quote Heather here..."yes, please!"
  20. Horses or Cows: what??? neither, they're both ugly, and why are we discussing farm animals?
  21. Pigs or People: (Heather, your response killed me) um...people really...most of them smell better than pigs...but not all...hehe
  22. Men or Women: Men...
  23. Dodge or SAAB: toughie...Dodge...
  24. Work or Play: work at play and play at work is what i say...
  25. Man's best friend or Woman's best friend: both and neither
  26. Mickey or Minnie: why? ok...mickey
  27. Piglet or Pooh: pooh...though i always liked tigger best
  28. Bed or Floor: for what? sleeping or...nevermind...bed
  29. Couch or Chair: again...i must get my mind out of the gutter...couch!
  30. Toilet or Tub: wtf? where do ppl get this shit? ok...tub!
  31. Best Friends: Heather
  32. Worst Enemies: like i have any? i'm too lovable for that! hehe ;)
  33. Best Job: Mom
  34. Worst Job: cleaning out the grease trap in a deli...ugh!
  35. Black undies or White undies: black...don't do white much anymore
  36. Tequila or Jack Daniels: tequila if i had to choose
  37. Boxers or Briefs: how about boxer briefs? i like those!!
  38. On Deck or Below Deck: huh? since when did we go sailing? or am i that dense??
  39. 69 or Doggie: no comment...heh
  40. Dream Car: lotus...ever since "test drive"...
  41. Type of car you drive: i don't, but my darlin' has a Dodge Ram charger thingy
  42. Word or Phrase you overuse: "hehe"
  43. Toothpaste: something by crest w/scope in it i think...
  44. Favorite Restaurant: Ruth's Chris steakhouse
  45. Romance or Ambiance: Romance all the way baby
  46. Favorite town to chill in: NYC
  47. Favorite Ice Cream: Dulce de Leche
  48. What's your bed time: dunno, i tend to pass out at night...11-ish?
  49. Favorite article of clothing: anything comfy...
  50. Favorite Cologne/perfume: i need new stuff...gucci rush is the only one i have left
  51. Favorite Song: "virtual insanity" jamiroquai
  52. Favorite subject in school: mathematics
  53. Least Favorite subject: phys ed
  54. Favorite Sport to watch: Hockey!!!!!
  55. Craziest person or funniest person you know: my darlin'
  56. Most humiliating moment: the only one i can remember is not worth mentioning...something to do w/taking swimming in 5th grade i think
  57. Favorite Holiday: christmas!
  58. What kind of work do you want to do: just wanna be my own boss...
  59. Marriage or Shack up: well, that's up to the individual, technically we are "shacked up", but my darlin' is my husband, no matter what...
  60. If You Could Streak in front of someone's' house whose would it be: now why would i want to scare people like that?
  61. Goofy or Regular: i like my coffee Goofy thanks...;)
  62. Do you type with the correct fingers on the correct keys: yep...years of typing classes, baby...plus a mom who is a secretary
  63. What is under your bed: the carpet
  64. Do you prefer mud wrestling or J-ello wrestling: at least you can eat the jello afterwards...jello
  65. Favorite Things to do in the winter: snuggle, but i'm a human furnace, so it's usually the other person snuggling me...which is fine by me
  66. High School: Elizabeth High School (and Hillside for 9th & half of 10th)
  67. Bacon Bits or Croutons: bacon....who said bacon??
  68. Hobbies: jeez...why do ppl ask this? i dunno...picking my nose?
  69. Favorite Board Game: Monopoly
  70. Do you ever save AOL conversations: no, why would i?
  71. What is the best number: 13
  72. Where's the craziest place you've had sex: abandoned orphanage...seriously
  73. Biggest regret: none
  74. Favorite Shampoo or Conditioner: Redken All Soft
  75. Do you believe in:
    • Love at first sight: could be...
    • Aliens: yep
    • Ghosts: yep
  76. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: not anymore
  77. Right, Left, Or Ambidextrious: Ambi, but prefer right


Powered by audbloghi everybody!!

sorry i sound like such a dork!

i didn't wanna write anything down to say b/c it would sound like i was reading...and i didn't want to sound like a total dork, but i'm pretty sure i do...as always, you never sound like you think you sound...i sound much more like my aunt Maria than i thought i did...but, that's that...not much else in the news...have a little work to do on the website...developing a new thing, and i'm not sure if it will be received well...so, w/that in mind, wish me luck!! :o) cya when i cya!

fun, fun, fun...

well, i started off my birthday right w/a big ole cry in the morning...i always end up crying on my birthday for something or other, so it's best to get it out of the way bright and early... we *were* going to go out to dinner, but that was squashed due to being blackmailed regarding the childcare...SO...we got stuff from Sam's (wholesale place...) and planned to bbq and whatnot that night...well, that didn't happen either (what a shock), nor did i get anything for my birthday (that will come later)...except a check from my grandmother which i cannot accept...so, that was my fun day...had a better time on Sunday b/c we *did* get to bbq (mmmm...fajitas...caramelized onions...kielbasa...sauerkraut...mustard (w/horseradish!!)...mmmm) hehe...got wine too, but didn't open it up...will probably save it for another special occasion...(cheapest frickin' wine on the planet, but it tastes amazing, so i love it!!) don't know what else to tell ya...i'm reeeeeeally looking forward to kielbasa leftovers...(don't ask, i just love the stuff...must be my german heritage or something) oh, and i had a big ole cheat last night (and on my b-day, actually)...last night i had an amazing eclair from Earl Abel's (diner style restaurant here in SA)...on my bday i tried a Moonpie (for the very first time)...i could easily live w/o the moonpie...it was good, but i've never been fond of marshmallow...but the eclair was divine...hehe...bad Lilly...bad!! all those carbs will put 1/2 an inch on my waist! ok, that *may* be an exaggeration...hehe anyway, time to get going...cya when i cya! :)


so, this is it!

at precisely 3:36am this coming morning i will be 31 years old...isn't it exciting? hehe...

in other news

we will probably be going to Ruth's Chris again...don't know if we are doing anything else special...i wanted to take the kids to the zoo, but supposedly the weather's gonna be crappy...so, that will have to wait... i don't know how much weight i've lost since restarting Atkins...i know it's been slow going, but it's picking up now that i'm actually exercising! hehe... i've been using the pedometer thing and i will be lucky to get to 5,000 steps a day in a month! lol...i average about 1700 a day...which isn't bad, it's over half a mile, but i really need to improve on that...so, 10,000 steps a day in two months then...i can do it!! ;) hehe also, i'd like to know why i always lose weight around my middle first? my ass and thighs are always the last to go...bastages...i'm used to the ass thing by now (afterall, i'm half-brazilian...asses grow in my family, not shrink), but enough w/the thunder-thighs, dammit...my calves look all small and my thighs are just...bam! (blech!) *sigh* one of these days, when i'm a size 6, i'll look back on this and laugh...really i will...:-P anyway, major soreness from that Pilates bodyball workout...my abs hurt everywhich way...ugh...hurts to laugh, even, so you know i got to the deep muscles...feels good though, so i'm not complaining, just reporting! the oddest positions you find yourself in during that workout? try on your tummy, arms back holding your feet, pulling up on your feet and then rocking back and forth...yeah...crazy!! lol...anyway, great workout... can't think of anything else...i have one free trial of that audio post...any suggestions? wanna hear me sing? ;) hehe...masochists...cya when i cya!

people must really think i'm stupid...

the worst part of being on aol is the spam...it's really annoying that people send you stupid zip files and they really think you're gonna download them...uh, helllloooo?? i'm not that dumb... another one, which i just got today, was from some chick saying i got an insta-kiss & to go to this page to get it...it was an angelfire page, so i was curious to see wtf (my curiosity will get me into trouble one day...) so, the page looks like an aol log-in thing and you have to put in your sn & password...do i have "idiot" tattoo'd somewhere? no...i don't...these people must be on crack, that's all i hafta say... oh, and i've also blocked the offenders who sent me stuff from aol sn's...dumbasses... cya when i cya...have lots of housework to do today...:) hehe


Review: Pilates Bodyball Kit

yeah, i know i don't normally do "reviews" or anything like that...but i finally tried this workout and i wanted to tell someone about it...heh So, here we have a Pilates mat workout w/the addition of a 1 lb. "body ball"...the ball is rubber, fits in the palm of your hand and has the same texture as a basketball (grips well)...you wouldn't think a 1 lb. ball would make much of a difference, but WHOA NELLY! it sure does...the videotape included in the kit is hosted by Ana Caban who seems very down to earth and is easy to watch and listen to...she's not annoying like that Denise Austin chick ("c'mon! you can do it! one more! you know you can!" grrrrrrrrrrr.....), but this isn't an aerobic workout either...the moves are very slow and controlled, there is alot of stretching and flexing of muscles...i'm reasonably out of shape, and i was able to follow along w/most of the moves...the tape basically consists of Ana & another woman (doing the easier version of each move, so you can follow her instead of Ana if needed) doing the moves, while you hear Ana's voice giving instructions...no big production, no crazy stuff...just a nice, simple workout...now, don't get me wrong, this workout kicks ass...if you follow Ana (which i was able to do on some moves) you will really feel your muscles working...there is alot of focus on the abdominal muscles, but you work ALL of your muscles in this workout, trust me!! i was amazed at the positions i could put my body into (hush...keep your mind(s) out of the gutter) and the muscles i was feeling as i was doing the workout...i don't know if this is enough information for the average workout enthusiast, but i found it to be challenging w/o killing me, and very enjoyable...i'm looking forward to using it again! (and i still feel it in my ab muscles, so i know i'm gonna be sore as hell tomorrow) the kit provides the ball and a VHS version of the workout (wish they had DVD)...all you need is comfy clothes and either a mat or a reasonably well carpeted area to work out on... i highly recommend the Pilates Bodyball Kit...A+++

for those that love memes

go check out Jake's weekly 3XThursday...i won't bore you w/my answers, but he always has great questions...cya later...i'm a busy woman today...hehe



the other day i noticed a thingy to block pop-ups while using the browser provided by AOL...so, i set it up and tried it...and by golly, it actually works...almost makes the torture of using AOL bearable...that is all...cya later...

wow...look at what a few linkies can do!

a couple of people link to you, and all of a sudden you find yourself loaded w/hits...amazing...don't be shy people...you can comment if you like...no need to be a member...or put in your email or site...just type your "name" and go...lol funny...


saw a link to make an audio blogger entry (i think it's only 2 minutes)...might try it later if i get bored...hehe

also in the news

my birthday is coming up...i will be *cringe* 31 years old...never thought i'd make it this far...when i was little i used to hope i'd die by 40...fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on YOUR view), i have quite some time left on this little ball of...well, whatever our planet is made out of...mostly metals, right? i read too much sci-fi, can't remember what's real (or not)... anyway, so i've been doing some thinking...(scary, isn't it?) and i've come to the conclusion that things can only get better from here on out...i mean, i've been through it all...death, cancer, loss of all possessions, homelessness, betrayal (omg...if *that* hasn't reached its apex, i'm gonna go nuts), suicide attempts, hopelessness, depression, etc. you get the picture...wtf is left but for me to die? that's the only thing i haven't experienced...so, rather than wait for THAT to happen, i'm just gonna enjoy the rest of this ride and see what life has to bring me...can't be any worse than what i've already handled, and if i handled that mess, i can certainly breeze my way through whatever's left... so, there ya go...my philosophy..."bring it on, baby!" hahaha...ok, so i'm nuts, leave me alone, at least i'm smilin'... cya when i cya people...i'm outta here...


whadya think?

some time ago i coloured my hair BACK to it's natural colour...been thinking about adding blonde highlights or going blonde-r...i know i have no pics for you to go by, but i wanted to ask if highlights are outdated now? i'd be doing them myself...hehe...i'm such a "frankenstein"...i love experimenting w/my hair...if i don't colour it, i'm gonna let it grow out (natural) and perm it (myself) on huge ass rollers so i can get really big waves...opinions? anyone?? ;) cya later...



well, it certainly has been keeping me busy! lol...my darlin' & i rearranged our room on Sunday, and i still have things to put away... gotta go exercise, i was lazy and didn't do anything all weekend...bad Lilly! bad! ;) i've been working all weekend on the website too...and it's "nearly" finished...actually, it really is finished (i have to put the jewelry up, but that's it)...just needs a little tweaking, but it is functional...i'm debating different design elements (i.e., make a nav bar or just put a row of links at the bottom of the page) and the only other thing i haven't really done is check for browser compatibility... i discovered that there is a blog function available from a partner of the webhost i chose...i signed up, so if i can get it to work and look good, i'll probably just leave this up w/a link to the new blog...or keep the other blog for other stuff...who knows? oh, and for Heather...i painted my nails a "natural beige"...they got chewed up and stuff recently (you remember what i do to my fingers, don'cha?), so i don't want to draw too much attn to them...i've been using that "liquid bandage" stuff to let them heal, and so far it's working pretty good!! well, the kiddies had breakfast, and now it's time for da mama... cya when i cya...


blah, blah, blah...

not much going on today...just working on the website & feeding/playing with/watching the kiddies...oh yeah, and i painted my nails...woohoo! (haha...i'm not *that* excited now...) so, i'll hopefully have more for you another day...i don't think i will be moving this blog afterall, even though i like the bene's of having on one's own server...we shall see... cya when i cya!! :)


win the lottery? i wish!! hehe

no, the recent spending spree was not brought upon by any stroke of luck...unless you call getting your tax return lucky...b/c that was the ONLY reason we had any money to spare...sucks, doesn't it?


this will be of absolutely no interest to anyone, i'm sure, but i checked my transits today on astro.com, and i found some answers to what's been going on, as well as some good news! so, i thought i'd share...you might be going through the same thing, afterall...(all of the following is copywrited by Astrodienst AG...just thought i'd let you know)
Uproar Valid during many months: A series of sudden and unexpected events will probably strain your nerves to the utmost, making this a difficult time. This is most likely to happen if you have spent the last few years trying to please everyone. Any turmoil in the outside world is merely an indication that you have been seething inside for quite some time. Although it would be understandable if you now felt like packing everything in, this is certainly not the best solution. You will find it hardest to tolerate hypocritical and sanctimonious behavior - whether your own or others'. It is therefore important to clear the air and to honestly consider which aspects of your life reflect your authentic inner nature. This influence will help you to scrutinize your ideals and visions, and to take your leave from those which are no longer relevant to any important decisions you have to make. For example, you might find that a political party or like- minded group of people of which you were once a member has lost its appeal. A clear decision to take all your imperfections seriously, and not to make lazy compromises, can be both healing and liberating, helping to give birth to new things in your life. Chiron Square Uranus activity period from 22 February 2003 to 22 December 2003.
Flights of fancy Valid during many months: This rather subtle influence particularly helps those who, whether in their private or public lives, are confronted with the physical or psychological suffering of others. This can at times allow profound insights into those metaphysical dimensions which usually remain closed to the conscious mind, and which indicate that all suffering is subject to certain principles. You are now less concerned with your daily achievements than with understanding the meaning behind them. If you are suffering in any way, wholistic remedies or forms of therapy are far more likely to help you than any treatment which merely tries to fight the symptoms. You may learn that someone you know has been greatly helped by homeopathic treatment, or that yoga has eased their back trouble. Help and relief are now likely to come in the form of subtle hints or things mentioned in passing - if you don't overhear them. This influence could make you feel more relaxed and confident, particularly if you have gone through a testing time recently. If you have to deal with situations which are both challenging and difficult you will now find it easier to take time out or withdraw. You could treat yourself to more short breaks, or spend more time in natural surroundings. You might also discover creative talents such as painting, writing or music which could help you to find new strength. You will now have better access to your world of inner images and imagination, and inner affirmation and dream journeys could lead to healing experiences. Neptune Sextile Chiron activity period from 9 March 2003 to 5 January 2005.
Extrasensory perception Valid during many months: This influence stimulates your imagination in a creative way, giving you greater inspiration and an immediate grasp of ideas that are usually too subtle for the intellect. And you are better able to communicate these subtle ideas to others and give people some understanding of what you are seeing now. This can be a very creative time if you are interested in art, music or poetry. If you have any latent psychic ability, this influence is quite capable of activating a kind of extrasensory perception within you. Certainly it increases the level of your sensitivity, and you are much more able to understand what others are trying to communicate to you. Previously these ideas have been too difficult to comprehend, requiring too much intuition and subconscious understanding. Now, however, you get an immediate idea of what they are feeling. With your imagination so aroused, the everyday world may not seem very interesting, and you may begin to dream of strange regions in your mind where you can escape. But if you tie yourself down to earth long enough, you will discover that the world of your normal life can be fascinating in its own right. This is such a great opportunity to understand aspects of the world that you could not usually comprehend; you shouldn't waste it by wandering into a private world that has no relevance to anything else. Because of your increased ability to communicate the spiritual or psychic experiences in your life, this is a good time to teach others what you have learned. At other times it may have been difficult to convey to people anything more than the outer shell of your experience. Now, because of the vividness of your imagination, you are able to make them feel your experiences. It may be useful to associate with other people who are having similar experiences so that as a group you can teach others what you know. Neptune Sextile Mercury activity period from 24 February 2003 to 23 December 2004.
i found the last one particularly interesting considering what i do...but in either case, i don't have much else to share today...i've been making "mock" orders on the website i get my jewelry findings from and have been trying to calculate exactly what i need and what i want...hehe...the two being very different aminals...;) anyway, hope everyone is a-ok...cya when i cya!


i'm happier than a pig in sh*t! hahaha

so, would you like to know why?? sure you do!! hehe last night me and my darlin' went out sans kiddies! :) woohoo!! we went to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse and had a fabulous dinner courtesy of my darlin's boss (he gave us a giftcard)...i was highly impressed and so was my darlin'...so we have a new favourite restaurant! ;) (btw, the restaurant is VERY "Atkins-friendly"...the entire menu is a la carte, so you don't HAVE TO have any naughty stuff w/your meal if you don't want it! woohoo!) and then we went to Target...i bought: and theeeeeen, we went to B&N...i got some really good books: The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz (b/c Heather's read it & indicated she found it very helpful); Communion with God by Neale Donald Walsch (same guy that wrote Conversations with God); Crafting as a Business by Wendy Rosen (an absolutely necessary resource guide for anyone wanting to do such a thing); and Creative Bead Jewelry by Carol Taylor (good for tips and ideas)... all in all, it was a fabulous night...we got home at 11pm & the kids had just gone to sleep (well, Jazmine had, Ian was out for awhile)...we were both still awake, so we watched "Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels" and then my darlin' passed out while my mind rattled on for some time...i'm not sure when i fell asleep, but it was definitely after 1am, i know that... anyway, time to feed the kiddies and all that jazz... oh! i also got my website set up with dreamhost...i'll be very busy in the coming month building it & reading all these great books...almost got a relaxation kit too (w/aromatherapy pillow and CD, woohoo!) but felt it was a little silly...maybe next time...hehe...cya when i cya!!


well, i guess i wasn't missed, eh?

oh well, better for me i guess...now i can write all the stuff i wanted to write...hehe so, do we all remember my statement that i wished to write about my younger years, what i remember of them that is, and my mom pitched a cow b/c she thought i was just gonna bitch and moan about her? like she's the only person that hurt me...yeah, right!! anyway, i got to thinking...shortly after my grandfather (her father) died, my mom went through this period where she was writing out her whole life story, ya know? i mean she was filling up legal pads, typing on the word processor (it was a long time ago), etc....she went on and on about all the hurtful things that had happened to her...so, i don't think she has any right to bitch about what i may or may not write, nor does anyone have the right to bitch about whether i allow people to comment or not... in either case, i don't know whether i need to write all that stuff out or not...but i do know that if i am having problems w/something in my life, that i will delve into the root of the problem and most likely post it here (unless it's too personal to share w/you people), which may include rehashing childhood events... i do not have a memory like a great writer i know, and i can't quote quotes for the most part...but i remember feelings and emotions quite well...i have "blocked" most of my memories from the past, and i'm thinking it may be time to unlock some of them...maybe they might give me a clue on why i do certain things and how i can change them...i've always been able to identify most of my problems and the root cause of them...but changing them, solving the problem, has always been difficult... the biggest problem i have at the moment is depression...i get hit with it alot...i may feel great one day and shitty the next, for no apparent reason...i know that it is very possible that i have a chemical imbalance in my brain (especially when you consider that my mother did not 'completely' abstain from drinking, smoking or doing drugs (marijuana) while she was pregnant w/me [she 'cut back']...my father did the same, so that would have affected me as well...damned 70's!! heh)...so, i've been considering going to a doc about Zoloft to see if it might help...for the moment, i'd prefer to be able to solve the problem w/o drugs...so, i have a list of books i'm going to read in order to bring me to a "happier place"...i'll post the list if anyone is interested, and keep you updated as to my progress and whatnot... for the past few months, my personality has been changing somewhat...i do not know if this is permanent or not, but there have been complaints and i want to eliminate those...i have discovered a "power" that i, previously, was unaware of...and that is the power to stand up for yourself...it's been hard learning how and when to wield it however, so i am struggling...must be something to do w/my Pluto, eh? hehe...anyway...enough blabbering... much love to you all... oh, and you people from denmark that keep spamming my guestbook better cut it out...i haven't visited any of your websites, nor do i plan to...thanks, but no thanks...from the referrals i've been getting, they must be porn sites, and *that* is one thing i do not need...(nor do i need a bigger penis or bigger breasts, thanks! just in case you needed that information) ok, cya when i cya!!


so, didya miss me?

well, i've been gone over a month, almost two...did any one miss me? ;) my hiatus was not voluntary, i assure you...but i won't bore you folks w/the details...suffice it to say that i am back! :)

in the news...

i am no longer working ("hard for the money!" sing Donna, sing!! hehe) in the outside world... my mother-in-laws surgery went well, she is on the road to recovery... i have discovered the joys of domesticity...i actually HAVE to make the bed everyday, otherwise i feel like a slob, and i actually vacuum the bedroom every week, and do the laundry twice a week...i even take out the trash everyday...i don't know what's wrong w/me, but no one is complaining...hehe the jewelry business is coming along, i will be purchasing a new digital camera soon and building a website for my work...i will also be placing most of my creations on auction at ebay.com so look for links in the future... the location of this weblog will probably change as well once i have a domain again...i will post that information as soon as i have it :) i have officially seen Lilo & Stitch 50 times...it's pretty cute and my boy and girl like it speaking of which, pics of the kids will come shortly...Ian is getting bigger each day, and so is my babygirl Jazmine...Jazmine will be nine months on March 3rd and Ian is 2 1/2 going on 3 (in July, both kids are July babies)...Jazmine's curls are straightening out some, but i think that has more to do w/the humidity down here than anything else and she definitely has her mama's eyes :) Ian is getting his clothes in the boy's dept already, so you know he's a big kid! if things work out w/the jewelry biz, i'm going to work at that at night and home school the kids (and keep house in between) by day...this way if the kiddies are capable of learning more earlier (like i was) i can teach them at that level and not let them get bored...as well as add things to their curriculum that they may find interesting that the school may not teach for a grade or two, ya know? i'm hoping to make them multi-lingual as well...:) that's about it for now...i'll be back w/more in the near future, i promise! hope everyone is ok! i'll cya when i cya!!



well, it seems as though i've been rather "combative" lately...raring for a fight, that is...even got all hot under the collar on an astrology bulletin board i frequent...today at work a co-worker pissed me off, and frankly, i don't wanna be there anymore... i wanna be home...making jewelry...giving people readings...helping them out... when my MIL has her surgery, i will HAVE to stay home...so, that's that! but at least i will still be able to make money... signed up w/a free webhost for now, and will have a tarot site back up soon...i am also working on the flea market thing...and hopefully, once i get some really good pieces made, i will be able to sell my jewelry (small stuff at flea market & big stuff on ebay...and maybe even consignment shops...we'll see...) so, there ya go...i will be able to make enough money to pay off all my debts, get stuff for my kiddies, and (crossing fingers) even have enough for a "getaway" w/my darlin'... not much else for news...lots of stuff i could say, but nothing i really WANT TO say...ya know? so, i shall cya when i cya!! :) take care, everybody!!



i think this blog needs a facelift, some redecorating...and a name change ;) it's been awhile...i was changing it almost weekly for a bit, but got so sick of looking at code...i've probably forgotten all the stupid CSS i had to cram in my head...and i really don't wanna try doing it in dreamweaver, like i did last time...ugh! talk about a pain in the ass...any suggestions anyone?? i think it will be simple again...no more crazy backgrounds...

my babygirl

is cryin' up a storm...so i'm outta here for now...cya!!


just on for a quick minute...found some old emails earlier this evening that opened my eyes and have inspired me to work on expanding my mind...lots to think about and assimilate...the redesign will have to wait... in other news, my MIL is very sick...may have to quit the job-o to take care of the kiddos...which will suck ass...but maybe this will be the kick in the pants i need to start doing the tarot at the flea market...i did some rough estimates, and even if i just worked Fri-Sat-Sun, i could make upwards of $80K/yr+ (very conservative estimate, the high end was more like $116K/yr)...so, there ya go...add on to that selling crystals and jewelry and such, and whoa nellie! ;) even my darlin' could quit his job!! hehe... so, that's it for tonight....i'm pooped and in pain...so i go ni'nite now...cya!


well...some good news for a change

i did a Tarot reading for a co-worker today...she says her mom and sister are always looking for someone to do readings for them (someone good that is! ;) hehe) and she was very happy w/her reading, so i think i may have some new customers! :-D woohoo! i will have to look over the list of readings i do and figure out what i need to charge again...my co-worker said i should definitely look into setting up a booth at a flea market or something...so we shall see... just thought i'd share! cya around!



got quiet around here, didn't it? ;) i never did mind airing my dirty laundry...and don't misread my last post...i do love my mother...but i have found it impossible to discuss w/her (nicely) the things that have happened between us in the past...i try to explain how i felt/reacted, she gets defensive and fireworks go off...you see, we both have lots of Libra, so we both want to keep the peace (to a certain extent)...however, we also both have enough Cardinal signs to cause major blowups when we get pissed off...now, my whole life i've *tried* to be the good daughter and not fight with my mother (afterall, i *do* have that Libra moon and will do almost anything to avoid a fight)...i've tried real hard to respect her and her life...i've stayed out of a lot of shit, kept my mouth shut, whatever...but i'm sick of that shit...i'm fucking 30 years old already (soon to be 31), and the time for keeping my mouth shut has long since ended...in my opinion, both of my parents should never have had children, b/c they were both so absorbed in their own lives and what was going to fulfill them that they ignored the fact that their children (well, child for my dad, b/c he only had me) needed them...my dad fucked me up...my mom fucked me up...the only person, in my whole life, that has not ever let me down or hurt me in some way, is my grandmother (my mother's mother)...and i know i've let her down (which hurts ME to no end, lemme tell ya)...anyway, i just hope i don't fuck my kids up...they are beautiful, happy children, and they deserve a happy life, goddammit!! i was in denial for years over my father's tendency towards abandonment (understatement), and i was frickin' suicidal at 6 years old because i thought my mother didn't love me anymore...talk about fucked up! i will do everything within my power to let my children know that i love them and will always be there for them! ~this i promise, because it is important to me and to them~ if you ask my mother, she will say, "i clothed them, i fed them, i kept a roof over their heads, and look how they repay me!" (you know how many times i heard that shit?? jeez) and to that i sing, "oh Capricorn, oh Capricorn...you are so cold and frugal" (not to say all Caps are like that, b/c they aren't...but this is how HER Capricorn manifests itself) or reply, "but where you there when i cried? no, you told me "stop crying, or i will give you something to cry about!" were you there when i hurt? when i needed you to LOVE me, not shoo me away b/c i was "in the way"? were you there??" nope...i don't think so...ok, how about this, "were you there for me when i was so sick of being suicidal that i begged you to take me to a counselor for help?" (this was in my teenage years) uh...nope! your concern was, "we can't afford that!", not "holy shit, my daughter wants to kill herself!" and as for whatever mental breakdown she mentioned in her comments (when i wasn't there for her...oh no! <~sarcasm) i have no clue what the fuck she's talking about...if she was having one, i wasn't aware of it...was it all the pot, mom? did you get a bad batch?? god only knows...i am forever being accused of being a rotten daughter by this woman simply b/c i don't always do whatever the fuck she wants me to do...i didn't want to go across the fucking country to the desert (New Mexico, nothing wrong w/it, but it's not my bag baby...plus, i was in my 20's already...jeez), so it wasn't b/c i didn't want to go, it was b/c i "didn't care what happened to her" *rolls eyes* yeah, ok...that's why i saved up all my money working two jobs to get you away from Bert...no i didn't care...ugh! it's just sickening...i'm sick of it...and ya know, i'm GLAD i'm in Texas b/c otherwise she'd be so fucking pissy to deal with that i wouldn't be able to see my grandmother over all this shit...i could go on and on, but i'm done w/this shit...if she starts more, i will finish it b/c i'm DONE...and on that note, i wish you all a goodnight...;) cya when i cya!


here's the latest...

my mother has decided to pick a fight w/me...this should be interesting...here is the latest exchange found in last post's comments...feel free to comment...
My dear daughter, let's not forget that I chose to be with your father, that I asked him to marry me, that I subconsciously sought his type of behaviour in my men - the same type of behaviour you are attracted to in the man in your life. How can you say that I did not influence you in your choices of men? If I was attracted to your father and you seek out men who are like your father - can you see the connection here? If I had chosen a more stable man to marry and have kids with, you would then be attracted to stable men, but I didn't choose a stable man ... I chose your father. mom | Email | 01.16.03 - 10:50 pm | # -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- yes, of course, you chose him, and his behaviour influenced me...but there is also the abusive asshole Paul to consider, the free-loading Omar (sorry, but that's how i see him), and we won't even count Bert 'cuz he was just an accident in my mind...why haven't i ever dated men who beat me? why haven't i ever dated deadbeats? yes, you picked dad, and by your choice you influenced my own choices, but i am happy w/david, he is not as bad as dad was...we both have our moments and frankly, i don't know why he stays w/me b/c i am a serious pain in the ass...but that is me, and he is david, not dad...as much as they are similar, they are also individuals...david is much more loving and affectionate than dad ever could be...and when it all comes down to it, he is his own person if anything, i think your choices led me to the thought-process that, "if it ain't working...get out!" i have dumped more men than i care to think about...and i think poor John (back in high school) paid for all the sins perpetrated by my father and the other jerks that hurt me... in either case, i'm glad my comment went through, i thought it hadn't... Lil | Email | 01.16.03 - 11:18 pm | # -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you see Omar as a free=loader, at least he did more around the house to help me than both my children combined. With that being said, how do you judge yourself when most of the time you ate, slept and laid in bed? When I had a mental breakdown, where were you? Oh, yeah, visiting your girlfriend in NYC for the entire weekend. Omar helped me cook, he washed the dishes, he kept my room and the rest of the house neat and clean, and he made me feel loved and needed. That's more than both my kids did for me - combined. Thank you very much. mom | Email | 01.18.03 - 9:41 am | # -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- now we're getting rich...you wanna talk about "being there"??? ok, who sent me off to live w/my father b/c i was getting in the way of her "new family"??? were you there for me when i had cancer and was going through chemotherapy?? and you say i "ate, slept, and laid in bed"? maybe b/c i was working two fucking jobs, eh? maybe b/c i had no fucking money b/c even though you SAID we were going to make things fair w/how we split up money for bills and rent, i was paying you more than MY FAIR SHARE? yeah, he cooked, and cleaned (when he wanted to)and washed dishes, clothes, whatever...but before that both me and Paul had those tasks...i worked just as much as you, if not more, and you "laid" around just as much as i did...you always feel like you were the downtrodden one, don't you mom? "oh poor me" is always your battle cry...you love to martyr yourself b/c it makes you feel better about the shitty stuff you've done in your life...you want to know why your children weren't ALWAYS there for you? b/c you treated us like crap, that's why...we were second class citizens in your home b/c the person w/the dick got first placement...Paul's just too fucking scared to say shit, but he's long since been sick of your shit too...but then, according to YOU, he's just a freeloader anyway, right? and just cuz i know you'll throw it up, yeah, i may have left w/an outstanding bill, BUT IT WAS IN MY NAME and neither you nor Avo had to pay it...why isn't the bill in YOUR name? oh yeah, that's right...b/c you left NJ w/over $500 owed, right? start throwing stones, b/c i have a bat and i'm ready to use it...i am a grown woman w/children of my own and i DO NOT have to kow tow to you any longer to keep the peace...yeah, i never did anything to help you out, right? i didn't MOVE BACK IN W/YOU AND LOSE MY "FREEDOM" to save you from a psychotic asshole, right? i didn't pay my way and then some to help out w/the finances, right? fucking-A, mom...next christmas i'm getting you a giant fucking cross, so that the next time you feel unappreciated you can climb on up and nail yourself to it! Lil | Email | 01.18.03 - 3:15 pm | #


pizza pie...

i know this must be a NJ thing...i know it...everytime i call to order pizza, i ask for a "pie" and the guy always says, "you wanna what??" *sigh* to those uninformed souls out there, pizza is often referred to as "pizza pie"...it is called a "pie" b/c it has a crust and (technically) filling...if i'm calling your establishment, and you serve pizza, and i ask for a "pie", i mean pizza...i swear, i always feel like responding with, "coconut custard, chocolate cream, apple...you know...pie!!" hehe...i don't think he would be amused... my son eats pizza the same way i did when i was a little kid (and the same way i eat it now, actually)...he peels off the cheese and pepperoni and eats that first...if he's still hungry (after going through 6 slices), he eats the crust...but only if he's reeeeeally hungry...my babyboy...i used to do the same thing...although, i would take the cheese off, scrape off the sauce (blech) and eat the gushy part of the bread too...now i just eat the cheese and toppings...mmmmmm...mozzarella...lol...and i like veggies on my pie too (pie...ha!)...green peppers, onions, mushrooms, black olives and pepperoni is my fave...i can't eat the sausage 'cuz it gives me heartburn something wicked!

more food related stuff...

i have developed a fondness for chipotle (i think that's how you spell it...i pronounce it like the white girl i am: chih-pot-lee...hehe)...even though i don't like spicy food, they often have chipotle flavoured chicken at the "cafe" (cafeteria at work)...and when i'm lucky they serve it w/black beans...i luuuuuuuurve black beans...though they make them weird (w/mexican spices), but they're still black beans and quite delicious! so, today they had chipotle chicken quesadillas w/sour cream and guacamole...mmmmmmm...i scraped all the good stuff off the tortillas, spread the guacamole and sour cream over it all and went to town!! deeeeelicious! i'm such a sucker for good food!!

in other news

work is still very busy...working 49 hrs this week alone! i had my first "review" the other day and found out i'm working at 126%!! much faster than they "need" or expected...i got lots of praise and no bad stuff at all, so i'm very happy!! i asked about going "permanent" but i'm still wary of going through w/it...i know the job would be more interesting if i were a "real" associate (more responsibility, more stuff to do)...but i'm worried that they wouldn't take me (for whatever reason)...i'm sure it would pay at least $3/hr better than i'm making now, and my team leader said it's "worth it" to apply...so, i'm thinking...the one thing that makes me hesitant is that i really want to be working for myself...yeah, the benefits are great, there's a fitness center there in our building, they have a 401(k) and all that good stuff...plus i know of one chick that works there that got major bonuses over the holidays...but it's a "9 to 5" that usually runs 8 to 5 (and lately 7 to 5!)...*sigh* i have a huge list of books i want to get about going into business for yourself and beadwork in general... anyway, so that's what's been going on...i hope my pizza gets here soon, 'cuz i'm starvin' ovah heah...lol...cya when i cya people! :)


money on my mind

so, i have lots and lots of business ideas roaming around in my mind lately...chief among them is making specialty cakes (w/rolled fondant)...wedding type stuff...i think i would be very successful at that...i'm also starting a jewelry making business...i figure, worse comes to worst, i can always sell it off on ebay! :) anyway, that's what i'm working on these days...and that's why i'm so busy...take care everyone, i'll be back soon to update you all on my progress! cya when i cya!


just so no one worries...i'm alive...just not gonna be around much anymore...i'll cya when i cya! :)


it came and went...

well, the desire to write about my past came and went...i had it in my mind for days, and yet after i posted my intention all desire to write about it dissipated...*shrugs* oh well...doesn't really matter anyway...i seriously doubt anyone was looking forward to it! ;) hehe work is very busy now, i'm working lots of OT, so don't be surprised if i get lazy and don't visit for a few days...i'll cya when i cya!




(and if you don't celebrate it...i wish you all the best)

and now, a word from our sponsors...

well, the "sweets exchange" thing at work was a bust...some biatch said something rude to me and i spent the majority of the time in the ladies room cryin'...what a sad sack i am, eh? of course, it was also the full moon, so there ya go... anyway, not much has been going on...been working alot...we were able to spend a little money on the kids this year, and christmas (for them) was helped along by the T'R'U gift cards my gramma sent...the boy got lots of trucks and a football from various other relatives...we got him 2 more stuffed doggies (a beagle & a rottweiler) and a Spiderman pillow...he LOVES Spiderman (along w/Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Scorpion King)...and for the girl, we got her a little fishie teething ring (she chews on anything she can get her little hands on) and the Aquarium Bouncer by Fisher-Price (vibrates, has little lights, fishies that swirl, and plays music/ocean waves/rain sounds, etc.) which she has fallen asleep in about four times since we put it together yesterday...anyway, i was happy that we were able to buy the kids stuff... so, i've been doing alot of thinking about who i am as a person, what has made me this way and such...also thinking about the person i want to be, and this ain't it...and so, with that in mind, i am undertaking a new endeavour...in order to work out a lot of old issues that need to be put to rest, i will be writing about my early life...this will most likely be depressing for alot of you, so if you would like me to email you when it is over, i will gladly do so...i need to recall events as i saw them, i believe this will give me greater clarity in my life...i would like to preface what i write with this disclaimer, however... this will be MY version of events, not anyone else's...there are three sides to every story...my side, your side & what really happened...my tales are not meant to be an "attack" on anyone, rather i am getting things off my chest that NEED to be released...for the betterment of myself and my relationship w/my family... anyway, i will most likely disable comments once i start, so don't be surprised if they disappear one day... well, that's all for now...be good and love one another...cya!


chocolate? did somebody say chocolate??

well, instead of having a "gift exchange" at work, we are having a "sweets exchange" (originally called a cookie exchange, but some of us are bringing stuff other than cookies)...i have made "brigadeiros" (mom, i'm guessing on the spelling...), which are little chocolate candies similar to chocolate caramels, but softer...they came out pretty good too! i rolled them in cocoa powder (sweetened w/Splenda, natch!) and they look faboo!! i'm gonna make more w/different flavours (thought of making coconut ones w/coconut flavouring, rolled in shredded coconut...mmmm) for everyone here at the house to enjoy...everyone who tries them, loves them, so i think they will be a hit...i just hope i made enough!! ;) p.s. did you know cocoa powder is very low-carb? ;) hehe


whenever i say i won't write, i write tons...so, i'll cya when i cya...be good...love each other...and may there be peace on earth...bless you all (whomever you believe in...and if you don't believe, then my best wishes for you) byyyyyyeeeeeeeee.....:-D


i've got the blues...or is it the purples?

well, like people say, you have to be thankful for the little things, eh? so here goes: (yes, yet another excuse to use bullets...hehe) there ya go...due to the stomach virus i contracted, i have had the "purple burps" all day...blech! c'est la vie! got my paycheck today! (woohoo!) though i didn't get it until tonight, i'll be able to cash it tomorrow...maybe we'll actually have enough $$$ to buy christmas presents this year! woohoo! heh...yeah, no presents have been bought as of yet...scary, isn't it? ;) i'm in a weird mood...i'm signing off for now...if ya don't see me in a few days (weeks?), don't worry, i'm fine...much love to you all...cya!



i'm sick as a dog today...went to work and by the time i left, i had yakked 4 times, had horrendous abdominal cramps, and basically just felt shitty...i'm getting better though, slowly but surely...


i don't really miss NJ as much as i thought i would...i miss my family, i miss the places i could go, the things i could see (i read too many kiddie books, sue me! lol)...but i don't miss the traffic, the crowdedness, the noise, the astronomical car insurance rates, the even more astronomical rent...you can keep all that & just send me to the Met or to the Natural History Museum...or Mamoun's for falafels (oy...i had to think of that, now i'm queasy again...)...or my Mom's & my Avo's (Gramma) hugs and kisses...even my brother, hehe...(kiddin'...of course i miss my little bro...) anyway, i'm settling in down here in TX and unless something odd happens, i doubt i'll be leaving anytime soon (even though i have no Cancer in my chart, i have some very big Cancerian traits, chief among them is, i gotta have a home!!)...anyway, hope you like my little story...i know Hugh did! {{{{major hugs}}}} here ya go!

girl, what's wrong wit'you?

here is my little story, take it for what it's worth...i know it will be misinterpretted by most, if not all of you...so, whatevah... actually, this is more like some bizarre confession, rather than a story...but again, whatevah...
those of you who know me know that i have very strong emotions...i FEEL EVERYTHING to the nth degree...(moon-pluto thing)...i am also quite sensitive to the moods/feelings/emotions of others, and often "know" things about people that they don't know i know (meaning, i sense it, but it's weird stuff that you wouldn't just pick up on...) anyway, because of my strong emotions, i find myself infatuated w/things, people, places, etc....the hardest one to deal w/is people b/c, as some of you may know, when you are infatuated you think you are 'in love'...now, i've gone through this often enough to know when i am 'in love' and when it is infatuation...for the most part, it is almost always infatuation...i have not truly fallen 'in love' w/anyone since my darlin' and i suspect that i never will...i am, afterall, a 'one-man-kinda-gal' and very, very monogamous...but this does not stop me from becoming infatuated w/people, or (as i like to call it) the idea of a person...i am very sociable and happen to like people alot (libra moon), and when i find people i truly like, i tend to latch onto them (w/them trying to pry me off, i can assure you! lol)...i am that girl at a party who knows maybe one or two people and will hover around the people she knows just so she can be sure to have someone to talk to...i also get flustered very easily and blush at the drop of a hat...when i talk to someone 'new', i always blush...i swear, most people, upon meeting me, must think i'm an idiot! heh...anyway, on to the point of my story...i don't know why, but lately i seem to be drawn to/attracting gay men...it's like Will & Grace, but more surreal! first and foremost, there is Hugh (of Standing Room Only...link to the right)...he is a sweetheart, and i love him with all my heart...he is always supersweet to me (even though i *am a breeder! ;) kiddin' hon) and he always manages to make me laugh...if there is any blog out there that i endeavour to read daily and comment faithfully on, it is his...second is one of the 'facilitators' at AF...i don't know what it was about that man, and i probably never will know, but he had something about him that made me 'lock on target'...LOL...and the strangest thing is that he seemed to 'lock on' to me too...when he was teaching, he would stand close to where i was (i was towards the back of the room to the left...) and if he was walking around the room, he would make eye contact w/me 90% of the time...when he was asking questions it was as though he was listening in for my answers, b/c even though 3-4 of us would volunteer an answer, he would repeat mine verbatim each time...talk about weird! (and yes, i'm positive he's gay...) but the thing that really got to me was that i could feel the energy exchange w/him, and unless i'm tuned in to someone, i almost never feel someone else's energy...it was just odd...third is just the fact that there are too many good looking gay men in the world, and it's just terribly unfair (unless you are another gay man...hehe)...anyway, i guess what makes this remarkable to me is that i've never really known many (and i'm not saying i know many now, either) gay MEN...i've known lots of gay women (God help me, but they seem to love me...and it doesn't help that i have a *thing for breasts...must be b/c i was a formula baby or somethin'...:-P~)...i've even hooked up women friends of mine! but most of the men i've known were trying to get in my pants...i don't know...i just don't know why i am so attracted to gay men lately...it's not that i seek them out, but i do find their company (even if it is just through email) more pleasant and pleasurable than others...i guess since *i'm no longer looking for a dick, i'm satisfying my need for male companionship in a totally different way, eh? i don't know...but this is my story...and i'm stickin' to it! :) cya!!


music on the brain...

well, i gotta work a full day tomorrow, and i'm not really looking forward to it...8 hrs tomorrow will give me 5 hrs OT in the paycheck though...it's really 9 hrs there, though, b/c they give you an hr lunch unpaid...bah! anyway, the reason i got music on the brain is that on Saturdays we are allowed to bring in CD's and listen to them on headphones...so, i'm debating which songs to burn on to a CD or two to keep me occupied, and yet also NOT make me start singing in my little cubicle...hehe...i love to sing, so i gotta pick techno stuff so i can just look doofy bouncing in my seat or bopping my head to the beat :-P~ i've been using some cool new age-y tunes to put Jazmine to sleep at night...she's been very fussy lately...so, i've been breaking out the Andreas Vollenweider & Kitaro :) i'm not using Enya yet, but i figure i might have to eventually...she likes it though...my babygirl... ok, i'm done for the night, people...i'm frickin' tyahd ovah heah (that's 'tired over here' for non-NJ/NY people) much love...cya!



well, i wasn't beating myself up about it (the money thing), i was just trying to gain some understanding...and after posting last night, i discussed the issue w/my darlin', and you're right again, Mom...it definitely stems from growing up w/not a whole lot of money to go around, so i feel guilty spending any money that *i didn't earn myself...it's partly a self-esteem issue as well since i don't feel that i am "worth it"...but with that said, i did get my hair cut today, and it looks tres faboo! i will endeavour to get a photo up asap (will be difficult since my bestest friend Heather is in Cali, along w/her digicam! and my webcam is not getting set up again anytime soon...i figure i can always take regular pics [eeks!] and get them put on a CD when i get them developed, eh? hehe)...i don't miss the long hair, but now i must go out and get a few items to help w/styling the shorter hair...it is just slightly past my shoulders w/what looks like extra long bangs in the front (if you want an idea of the style, check out Michelle Pfeiffer's hair in "I Am Sam"...this is not to imply that i look anything like her, but my hairstyle does!)...the stylist looked at me like i was nuts as i was describing what i wanted, but she agreed it would look good, and so far everyone loves it, including me...which is shocking b/c i generally hate my hair and every haircut i've ever gotten...heh...and the best part? it doesn't make me look older!! woohoo! (as short hair normally does, but then, most people wouldn't consider this short...) jeez, i sure can blabber on, can't i? anyway, my darlin' is out at band practice, so i am "home alone" w/the kiddies...we replaced our copy of "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?" (i LOVE this movie), along w/a few other movies we had to sell when times got a little tight...i have a tendency to like really weird movies, just so ya know...my taste in music is odd too, i guess...i like just about everything except country...and i do mean "just about EVERYTHING" lol... in other news, work is fine, SSDD really, just like any other job...i'm looking into a few other places around that are paying a little better...so, we shall see... i really need my own car, i miss that soooo much...i would hardly ever be home if i did have my own vehicle though...i'd take the kiddies to the park and the zoo and the botanical gardens they have down here...this is very much a tourist-y type city...but i guess that's to be expected when you have your own basketball team and a Six Flags park and a Sea World, eh? hehe...i wanna go to Sea World too...it's been years since i went to the one in FL (as in, at least 15 yrs!)...we'll have to look into discounts for Disney World too, pretty soon the kiddies will be old enough to go...i don't remember the first time i went, but i remember going every summer up until i was about 12 or so...i went a few more times after that, but mostly to Epcot...aaaaaaanyway, things to look into...

to "SIR" with love...

since alot of you seem to be showcasing some of the blogs you read, here's my list...(or, just another excuse to make bullets!) there are more people that i read often, but these are the ones i read everyday (or at least try to!!)...enjoy! and much love to you all...cya when i cya!


i'm not MIA! i swear!

sorry i haven't written in awhile...it's been terribly busy and hectic and i just don't have the time that i'm used to for writing...i'm *trying to get around to everyone's blogs...i will catch up eventually, i swear...much love to you all and bless each and every one of you...if i don't write much until the new year, don't be too surprised...
no meme's today or anything...this is just me blabbering... i don't know why i have such stupid issues w/money...i like having it as much as the next person, but i stress over the stupidest things regarding it...i see the money i earn as "our money" but the money my darlin' brings home i see as "his" (i know, it's usually the reverse, isn't it?)...i have problems spending his money and only feel comfortable spending money if i have earned it myself...for instance, my paycheck usually arrives in the mail on saturday...well, this week they waited to get my saturday hrs and it didn't get cut until today...meaning i probably won't get it til wednesday...now, i have an appointment tomorrow to get my hair cut (it's down to my waist & needs about 6-7 inches chopped off)...my darlin' got paid but i feel bad getting my hair cut tomorrow b/c i will have to pay for it w/"his" money...i don't like that...and it's not as though he has a problem w/it...the haircut only costs $40, but he gave me $100 to spend...i didn't ask for it...he likes spending money on me...but i hate it...why? why am i like this??? it's insane, i know, and i don't know how to keep from acting like a brat, trying to cancel my appt. b/c i didn't get paid yet...can anyone explain to me why i am so crazy?
my boy is now 3 feet tall & 37 lbs.!! i can't believe it...my baby girl is getting huge as well, she has another dr.s appt. in jan... well, that's it for now...bye


*weight loss news*

ok, so i checked, and i've officially lost a total of 94 lbs. (including pregnancy weight)...49 lbs. on Atkins...and i do believe my mom is correct in her assessment of my current plateau...i was this particular weight for many years, and it's gonna take a sledgehammer to bust through this "wall", but i'm gonna do it...now is the time to "just do it" ;) no more excuses, no whining about being in pain...i must move my butt! LOL...much love to all of my readers...i missed you guys...cya! p.s. just noticed the number harmony...94...49...:-) it's been said that "God speaks to us in numbers"..."while the soul slumbers" (and can anyone explain to me why i make the same typo everytime i type "soul"? i always put a 'd' at the end...it's weird...) ok...i love you...bye bye

i'm back and i'm tired...lol

well, we're back up! woohoo! things are going well so far, don't have much to tell...work is sucky b/c we keep "running out of work to process"...they're supposed to be training us soon on new stuff, which will give us more to do! hehe...i'm getting my hair cut next week (not sure of the moon's phase, but i'm not worried)...i'll be back w/more tomorrow...right now i'm just "checking in" and making sure everyone behaved while i was gone...;) cya! and i shall leave you w/this (my score was 33)
Dr. Phil gave this test on Oprah she got a 38. Some folks pay a lot of money to find this stuff out. Don't peek but begin the test as you scroll down and answer. Answers are for who you are now not who you were in the past. This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees. It's only 10 simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your letter answers. Ready?? Begin...
1. When do you feel your best? a) in the morning b) during the afternoon and early evening c) late at night 2. You usually walk... a) fairly fast, with long steps b) fairly fast, with little steps c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face d) less fast, head down e) very slowly 3. When talking to people you... a) stand with your arms folded b) have your hands clasped c) have one or both your hands on your hips d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair 4. When relaxing, you sit with... a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side b) your legs crossed c) your legs stretched out or straight d) one leg curled under you 5. When something really amuses you, you react with... a) a big, appreciative laugh b) a laugh, but not a loud one c) a quiet chuckle d) a sheepish smile 6. When you go to a party or social gathering you... a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed 7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted, do you... a) welcome the break b) feel extremely irritated c) vary between these two extremes 8. Which of the following colors do you like most? a) Red or orange b) black c) yellow or light blue d) green e) dark blue or purple f) white g) brown or gray 9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep, you lie... a) stretched out on your back b) stretched out face down on your stomach c) on your side, slightly curled d) with your head on one arm e) with your head under the covers 10. You often dream that you are... a) falling b) fighting or struggling c) searching for something or somebody d) flying or floating e) you usually have dreamless sleep f) your dreams are always pleasant
POINTS: 1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6 2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1 3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6 4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1 5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2 6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2 7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4 8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1 9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1 10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1 Now add up the total number of points. OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care". You're seen as vain, self-centered,and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you. 51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate. 41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming,amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head.They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out. 31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make, and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken. 21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature. UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive,someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything. They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.


all of me...why not take all of me?

okey dokey...here's the 411...we're moving in w/the in-laws this weekend, so i won't be around much (if at all)...gonna have some 'puter down time, so if you hear from me in a week, be surprised...(mom, i'll send you the address asap!) we are hoping to save up enough $$$ to get our own place by January...cross your fingers and wish us luck! ;) if you send me an email, and i don't respond right away (hehe) don't freak out...i'm ok! just busy!! work should be picking up soon, and between that and the kiddies, i'm tired!! lol i can't think of anything else...oh yeah, if you noticed my SIR list got shorter, you're not seeing things...had to weed out people i don't read regularly (despite being added to my blogroll)...there are too many funny/interesting/intelligent people out there, and i wish i could read 'em all, but just don't have the time...so, there ya go... ok, i'm goin' ta bed...cya when i cya!! {{{hugs}}} to those i love (you know who you are!) and hope to be back soon!!


better late than never, eh? hehe

This-or-That: November 19, 2002

Potpourri, Part Two! 1. Long or short hair? preferably long...for myself that is...i look older w/short hair, and who the hell wants to look older??? hehe on men? preferably short, but my darlin' looks best w/his long wavy hair (num!) 2. Microwave or conventional oven? i use the micro more often...sad, isn't it? 3. Plain or Peanut M&M's? i do not eat them (anymore) sam i am...but when i'm craving them i like the Peanut ones better 4. "101 Dalmations"...animated or live-action version? animated...Glenn Close creeps me out...*shudders* 5. Drink out of bottle/can or pour into a glass? usually out of a glass b/c i like my drinks reeeeeeally cold (w/lots of ice)...though lately i've been drinking my soda from a can...don't ask why... 6. Sunlight or moonlight? heh...makes me think of van morrison...Moonlight all the way baby! i hate the sun (if you saw my skin colour, you'd know i'm not kidding!! i put vampires to shame!), though sunrises/sets are lovely...but only then... 7. Kermit the Frog or Miss Piggy? toughie...i love the way Miss Piggy gives that karate chop! but Kermie is just so lovable!! gotta go w/the green one! 8. Glasses or contact lenses (or neither)? neither...hate me now 'cuz i have 20/10 vision...:-P 9. Action movies or chick flicks? action...sure, i like chick flicks...i've seen Sleepless in Seattle over 100 times! (seriously!) but gimme Die Hard anyday! woohoo! (though, honestly i like indie films best!!) 10. Toilet seat...up or down ? down? what was that, a trick question?? ;-) hehe


the above phrase is something i tend to say, all as one word, when i'm annoyed and in company where it's not "nice" to curse...the more "swear-worthy" version of that is when i say "fucknuckle"...i know...i'm strange... so, anyway, i have a bastard of a headache...i'm trying to deal w/it nicely by annihilating it w/Excedrin...grrrr... today was "ok"...we had a new "facilitator" (trainer) today who was boring as hell and somewhat annoying in that she took forever and a day to teach us stuff, reviewing crap we learned the first day for no apparent reason, aaaaaaand basically just pissing me off...i hate that we had a new facilitator yesterday too, who finished up today...no one seemed to like him very much for some reason...i thought he was fine, although a little "odd"...there was something there, but i couldn't put my finger on it, ya know? besides the fact that he looked like a cross between Martin Short & the guy who plays "Stewart" on MadTV...;-) and yes, i am most definitely on the "dean's list"...no mistakes, no problems, and i'm probably one of the fastest processors in our group...our original group of 16 is down to 10 people, so i'm assuming that AF is starting to "weed out" anyone w/problems... had the most fabulous BBQ tonight!! now, mind you, i hate most of the BBQ places down here b/c they seem to all refuse to flavour their meat(s) (aside from the smoke flavour, of course)...but this was "top drawer" baby! we got brisket and it was divine! the smoked turkey was a little too peppery for my taste, but still quite tasty and very moist!! it was from a place called Rudy's (down the way from the new job) and man, oh man! it was delicious!! i'm definitely gonna hafta get a coworker to go w/me for lunch there (no transportation of my own, ya know)...mmm...mmm...good! hehe i think that's it for now...oh! almost forgot... Mom, no it's not what you think w/the neck thing (and i know what you're thinking...that's not it...but close...in a way! hehe), and the IL's (especially my MIL) do not like "house pets"...they think aminals (sic) belong outside only...if i get a cat, it's gonna hafta be an indoor cat down here, b/c there are just too many critters about, and from what i've seen of the "outdoor" cats down here they are all diseased! *shudders* so, i'm sure there will be compromises...found some really nice homes for rent up in the Northcentral & NW parts of town (3 br-2 bth-2 car gar. houses for less than $900/mo.!!! woohoo!!!), so we shall see... ok, i'm outta here people...and YES, it does feel great that i've lost enough weight to require some new clothes!! i've gone from a 28 to a 22 now, and i'm quite happy w/the progress...i have to start exercising though, b/c i've definitely plateau'd...*sigh* when i have time! lol...take care everybody!! cya when i cya!!





we are leaving...moving in w/the in-laws...i'll save you from the drama and just leave it at that... i don't know if we'll be "connected" over there...so if you don't hear from me all next week, you will know why... hopefully we'll be able to hook everything up in no time, but you never know... at least we'll save money on gas...*sigh* what a life...cya when i cya!


well, the above may not happen afterall...we shall see...got my first paycheck today, btw! woohoo!! got more than i expected too, but that's cuz i keep forgetting that there's no state tax here in texas...got used to that in jersey...so, they just take out SS & unemployment stuff...not too shabby! ;-) ok, time to go eat something...cya!! and wish us luck, ok? i really hate moving, and don't wanna do it if i don't hafta...it fucking sucks ass...


TGIF!! woohoo!

well, i have completed one week at AF...it's been fun so far...verrrrrrry easy...i find i get too frustrated w/slower people, i would not make a good teacher whatsoever... i am still "teacher's pet" (hehe) and even the girl who called me "cocky" said today that i seem to have caught on faster than everyone else...i explain, this is due to my background in banking...i have experience playing w/numbers, pushing people's money around... and the system is sooooo easy...i honestly believe that a monkey could do this job...i am hoping they teach us more soon, b/c i am already getting bored w/it...it's "too easy", not enough challenge...i'm not giving up or anything, mind you...i just like more of a challenge...i enjoy flexing my mental muscles by learning... i wish i could just learn for a living...hehe...i'd go to college for the rest of my life if i thought: a) that i could afford it; b) that i could actually take the courses i wanted, not the "required" bullshit if i didn't want... you don't know how disappointed i was to find out that college is merely glorified high school..."you mean, i hafta take history even though it has nothing to do w/what i want to be doing w/the rest of my life?" fuck me! no way...i'm glad i didn't go, i would have hated it and flunked out...the only way i could have enjoyed it is if i had gone for an engineering degree at a technical college...(which i was gonna do at some point! lol) then maybe i would have liked college...eh, anyway... i know, i know, i still have a million blogs to get to...i read them, honest! i just don't always have time to comment... i have a shitload of "catch up" housework to do tomorrow, so i don't even know if i'll be able to get online much then...we shall see...maybe once i get the major stuff done, i'll be able to get on and comment and such...it's so hard!! LOL...i can at least try while i only have laundry going...:) i'm tired, but awake...it could be due to the caffeine i've ingested today...i know i mentioned they have free coffee, well they also have tons of different teas...so, not only did i have two cups of coffee today, i also had a cup of earl grey tea, and then two cans of coke (diet, natch)...mmmmm...caffeine...hehe i'm hoping i don't go through caffeine withdrawal tomorrow...i'll hafta drink lots of coke to make up for it, eh? ;) what else? problems w/kiddie care already, but i'm hoping it resolves itself quickly, b/c we cannot afford to have my ass at home right now...*sigh* doesn't that just suck? i think it sucks...my poor son has been sick all week, and i know it's b/c i'm not there to take care of him...not that his gramma doesn't do a good job, b/c she does...but she's not his mama...the girl has been pretty good though... and of course, my darlin's still sick...(but not as bad) well, i'm gonna check my email and then get off of this thing...cya!!


*ego alert!!* TEACHER'S PET *ego alert!!*

LOL...i know, i'm a nut, but ^^^ that's the best way to explain my day today... so, i am unofficially the teacher's pet...our trainer had me walk around and help out my fellow classmates today since i finished before everyone else (sound familiar, Mom? hehe)...sheesh...i was (only slightly) embarrassed by it all...felt weird telling people how to do stuff that i just learned, but the job is sooooooo easy...i don't understand how anyone could have a problem w/it... i may be made to eat those words however...b/c the trainer said that things will be accelerating soon and will get more complicated & whatnot...i chuckled and said, "i'll believe it when i see it"...the chick next to me (whom i don't especially like, no specific reason, i just know we wouldn't get along...i'm betting she is another Aries or Aries rising...i never get along w/other Aries chicks) pipes up, "well, that's a cocky statement"...hehe...she called me cocky!! *giggles* i said, "well, it probably is, but everything so far has been so easy..." i then added, "over confidence is probably one of my biggest downfalls, but it hasn't let me down yet" *insert "cocky" laugh here* i'm so bad...but i don't care...the job is easy, and i can't help it if i learn fast...even the trainer said he was surprised at how fast i was picking everything up...so, she can "kiss it"...:-P (bad ego! bad!! ;-) hehe)

i'm tired...

well, i'm tired...my darlin' and my boy have been sick the past few days...so, i've been trying to take care of both as much as i can...the kids are doing ok...i think they like spending time w/"gramma" and will have more fun once "pop-o" is back (he's on a road trip w/friends of the family)... i wanted to tell you guys something else, but i can't seem to remember it...i'm sorry i haven't gotten around to commenting on everyone's blogs yet...i've been too tired to do much on the comp the past few days...rest assured that i miss everyone and will try to catch up as soon as possible...{{{hugs}}} cya!!


and the beat goes on...

well, the second day of training went well...for the most part it's a lot of stuff i already know about (mutual funds, IRA's, stuff like that), so it's easy...basically all we will be doing is taking the money the shareholders send in and allocating it the way they want...the company says they are going to be really busy up until the end of tax season, so this is why all the temps have been hired...there will only be a handful of permanent positions available at the end of the assignment... the job is alllll the way out by Sea World here in SA...i've never been to this area, so it's all new to me...it's really "the sticks" though...hehe i'm not used to getting up early anymore, but it's not so bad...i've been able to drag my butt outta bed by 6:30am everyday, and it's certainly easier than in my bakery days (had to get up at 4:30am then! yikes!!)...i can't stop yawning all morning though, so i'm gonna hafta work on that... the building we are in is frickin' huge!! over 400,000 sq. ft. and very aesthetically pleasing, i must say...there are alot of courtyards for people to enjoy...a really nice one w/a fountain by the "cafe" (cafeteria)...the cafe is huge too (free coffee, woohoo!! LOL), and they seem to have every kind of food known to man there...(yeah, you know me, can't help but talk about the food) in either case, it's very nice... i could see how people would really want to work here...the company is top notch, and it would be a great permanent job...we'll see how everything goes...if i like it enough i'll apply for a permanent position...i've been told that if you apply for a permanent position & you don't get it, that not only do you not get the job, your assignment is also ended at that point! so, unless i think i'm REALLY gonna get it, i doubt i'd go for it...we shall see... my brain is fried, i can't think of anything else to tell you guys...for the 7 people out there reading me, thanks for the congrats and stuff :) i appreciate it...i hate job hunting, but when i set my mind on it, i usually get a job quickly...and like i said, so long as i can get the interview, i can get the job...hehe well, good night everybody...gotta get up early, and i'm yawning already...cya!!

one last thing...

while offline (and w/more free time) i discovered how to make picture frames and picture tubes...lots of fun! and very cool stuff...i think i've made over 15 picture frames now!! LOL...if i can find a place to host the images (they are too big for the free host i use) i'll post them! ok, g'nite!!


AOL was holding me hostage...

major problems w/our internet connection...we just got back up tonight, so forgive me for not updating sooner...

newsflash...job at 11!

so, i went to wholefoods, the manager was crazy (i mean a real loon! seriously!)...i chose not to pursue the job...got an email on thurs. from an employment agency...went to see them on friday, got tested (word, excel, 10-key, etc.), interviewed...interviewed again later that day w/company wanting to hire me...started job today w/said company...i'm only making $9/hr, but i can live w/that...it's a long term temp position (6 months) w/a big mutual fund company...and i do mean big...so far so good...there may be permanent positions available at the end of the assignment, so we shall see...it's all the way out in bumblefuck texas (Heather, it's on Wiseman, out by where Randy works...) but it's a job, and the money helps...hopefully we'll be able to save up alot and i can start working the tarot thing more...in either case, i am now a part of the work force...woohoo! lol... no time now, i'll write more another day...cya! p.s. Heather, the tater tots are being watched by my Mil...:-) love ya!


oh, please...oh, please...oh pretty, pretty please!!

so, remember i said i was going out to the Quarry tomorrow, hopefully to apply at whole foods? right...well, i checked their website, and discovered they have a position open at the Quarry location...it is for a "Whole Body Team Member" (nutrition is key!)...so, i applied...immediately! lol...and got a response! :) I was asked to explain why i wanted to work for whole foods and why in nutrition...so, i did my best...i pretty much suck at letter writing, but here it is:
Dear Elizabeth: First, let me say that I appreciate you responding to my query regarding the open position at the Quarry Whole Foods so quickly. As you can see from the resume I sent, I have experience in the food industry and would like to expand upon that. I think that my experience with providing superior customer service would be of benefit to Whole Foods. I have been able to work my way up, previously, from “sales girl” to Divisional Manager, and I believe that that experience helped me learn the importance of working as a team, not just as an individual. While working for La Bonbonniere Bake Shoppes, my duties included many of the tasks you outline in the job description of a Whole Body Team Member. It was necessary to provide outstanding customer service to everyone that chose to shop there. Sampling, stocking, cleanliness, and things of that nature were of the utmost importance to our business. I took great pride in the fact that we received numerous compliments daily on how clean our store was. I am extremely flexible with my work schedule. I think I have demonstrated an ability to learn and grow when I decided to change fields from bakery management to banking! I eventually was promoted to Customer Service Manager at Sovereign Bank, where good communication and organizational skills were necessary in assuring that our branch ran as smoothly as possible. I am very much interested in Nutrition and am always looking for new opportunities to learn more. I recently lost over 80 lbs. (still going!) and feel that what knowledge I have could be of benefit to others. In essence, I have learned through experience, that I love helping people. If I can make a difference in just one person’s life, I believe that it would be a blessing to do so. I am always willing to learn, and whatever I don’t know about Nutrition, I’d be willing to absorb in order to assist someone with nutritional goals. I would like to have the opportunity to work for Whole Foods because, frankly, I love to shop there. The store impressed me the very first time I visited it with a friend of mine. It was clean, the people were friendly, and the selection of products made me feel at home again. As you can see from my resume, I am originally from New Jersey. And the conglomerate grocery store down here in San Antonio just doesn’t carry a lot of the products I am accustomed to! Whole Foods gave me the impression that it is a great place to work; and I feel that I would love to have the opportunity to do so! If you have any other questions, please do not hesitate to ask. I was planning on visiting Whole Foods tomorrow (which will probably be “today” by the time you get this), so if it would be possible to meet with you then, I would welcome the opportunity. Thank you. Sincerely, Lilly Killinger

yeah, yeah, i know i suck at this, but i'm hoping it works!! (for people who know me, the "80 lbs." figure is including the baby weight lost...i'm not sure, but i think i've plateau'd for the moment...i'll check after "aunt flow" leaves...hehe) my grammar stinks, but i know how to sell myself, and i think i did a good job...now everybody cross your fingers and send me good thoughts, ok? b/c i know i would really love this job...i want it...i will get it!! :-D ok, that is all...gotta go to bed now...cya when i cya!!

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